QUOTES --- HUMOROUS

 
(with LINKS to more)

Home page > This HUMOROUS-QUOTES (and LINKS) page

"Serious" quotes (philosophical, political, sociological)
are on a different page.

Some quotes are both humorous and philosophical
and may appear on either page, or both.

Example:
"Life is like a box of chocolates ..." - Forrest Gump

! NOTE !
Like most 'LINKS' pages on the web, there will, no doubt,
be more and more dead links on this page over time.
It may be years at a time before I return to this page to
remove dead links and replace some links with better links.
In the meantime, try 'WEB SEARCH' links provided on this page.

INTRODUCTION :

The following quotes are in no groups at this time --- i. e. they are not collected into categories, yet. And the list of quotes are in no particular order at this time.

However, some keywords, that help classify each quote, are placed near each quote --- to help find it, as follows.

As a flexible and comprehensive way of locating quotes of interest :

You can use an option like 'Find in This Page ...' of your web browser to find keywords, such as

'persistence'   OR   'persist'   OR   'try'   OR   'age'   OR   'money'   OR   'mother'

For some quotes, there will be links to web sites with information about the author or source of the quote.

There are web links to 'sites that specialize in quotes' available near the bottom of this page.

In addition, there are some 'WEB SEARCH' links on keywords like 'quote humorous'.

If there appear to be a lot of quotes collecting on certain topics --- such as 'medicine' or 'health' or 'government' or 'politics' --- then the quotes on this page may (eventually) be grouped together.

When a quote could be assigned to multiple groups, a single group will be chosen --- to avoid maintenance of duplicates. You will still be able to find the quote with a keyword search of this page.

"I am going to live forever --- or die trying."

- unknown source

(Keywords: live, forever, die, try, age)


This was true of Carlin. It is, no doubt,
why he suffered so much frustration and
depression later in life
--- like Mark Twain.

"Orthodox medicine has not found an answer to your complaint.
However, luckily for you, I happen to be a quack."

- Richter cartoon caption

(Keywords: orthodox medicine, answer, complaint, quack)

"A DEAL'S A DEAL"
-- engraved on the wedding bands
 of actress Courtney Cox Arquette and
her actor husband David Arquette

(Unfortunately, the deal did not last.)

(Keywords: marriage, agreement, accord, contract, deal)

"Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer
in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is
taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be
a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is
bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the
wrod as a wlohe."

- Unknown

(Keywords: reading, words, spelling, letters, order)

"You will rue this day. Well go on. Start rue-ing."

- Unknown

(Keywords: rue, regret)

"Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."

- John Lennon (1940-1980)

(Keywords: life, happenings, busy, plans)

"Virginians are all snobs, and I like snobs. A snob has to spend so much time
being a snob that he has little left to meddle with you."

- William Faulkner (1897-1962)

(Keywords: Virginians, snobs, time, meddle)

"Try giving up hope. It turns the bad feeling into emptiness."

- the Dilbert cartoon character [created by Scott Adams, cartoonist],
to a new employee at his company who has just been
through a morale-destroying, first-day orientation.

(Keywords: work, employee, orientation, hope, feeling, emptiness)

"There are only 10 types of people in the world:
Those who understand binary and those who don't."

- Unknown author

(Keywords: people types, binary, one, zero, ten, understand)

"He wasn't exactly God's gift to polynomials."

- line from the TV series 'The Wonder Years',
spoken by a math teacher, in the episode called 'Goodbye'

(Keywords: math, teacher, student, God's gift, polynomial)

Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money,
they will lose their incentive to invest.
As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive,
because we've given them too much money.

- George Carlin

(Apparently more money works differently for the rich and the poor.
Apparently, we are to believe that the rich are uncorrupted by more money
--- that all rich will use the money wisely. Hah!)

(Keywords: conservatives, rich, more money, incentive, poor)

QUOTES (Humorous) -
SOME EXTERNAL LINKS

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HUMOROUS QUOTES (with LINKS to more) page.

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Page history:

Page was created 2006 jul 26.

Page was changed 2011 Nov30.

Page was changed 2015 Jun 18.
(Removed dead links to the old Google and Yahoo 'web-directories'. Added some 'WEB SEARCH' links and some images.)

Page was changed 2015 Jun 18.
(Added an EXTERNAL LINKS section.)

Page was changed 2018 Sep 25.
(Added css and javascript to try to handle text-size for smartphones, esp. in portrait orientation.)

Page was changed 2021 Feb 19.
(Specified the width of images in proportion to the width of the browser window. Some minor re-formatting.)