Economy Humor A Glossary of Terms Updated for the new era in American finance

(2009 Jan blog post)

Given the economic 'meltdown' of 2008-2009, we could use a little humor. Below is a glossary of terms --- re-defined for the new age in U.S. finance. Updated Stock Market Terms : CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. Bear Market - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E Ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. Broker - What my financial advisor has made me. Standard & Poor - Your life in a nutshell. Stock Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded your stock Stock Split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. Financial Planner - A guy whose phone has been disconnected. Market Correction - The day after you buy stocks. Cash Flow - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. Yahoo - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. Windows - What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought the Yahoo stock for $240 per share. Institutional Investor - Former investor who’s now locked up in the nuthouse or prison. Profit - An archaic word no longer in use. These updated definitions come thanks to a 2008Oct09 posting on the forum bankofamericasucks.com.

Chart of the typical Investor Mind through Market Peaks and Valleys

Bottom of Economy Humor - An Updated Glossary of Terms page. To return to a previously visited web page location, click on the Back button of your web browser, a sufficient number of times. OR, use the History-list option of your web browser. OR ... < Return to Top of Page, above. > < Return to Blog menu. > < Return to Home page. > Or you can scroll up, to the top of this page. Posted 2009 Jan 29. Changed to allow for better printing 2009 Aug 23. -PRINTING NOTE- This web page is coded so that the images will print out on separate pages (not spanning two pages) and without clipping the widest image on the right, BUT you will have to print at a scale of 80% or less. The Print-Preview option of many web browsers supports such scaling, as well as other page formatting options, such as reduction of margins.